Mad Margaret's Musings

Today's artwork

2009-02-19T21:22:00.002Z

Autumn Mist

This is watercolour on stretched Saunders Waterford 140lb.

I used granulation medium on this for the texture - not so clear on these little images, better on my deviant art page if you're interested.

I used a "Ken Bromley" stretcher, which was very interesting. Basically, you wet the paper and put it on a wooden board - the edges are then pushed into place with rubber poles. At this point you can dry it with a dryer, so it makes for fantastically quick stretching - no waiting, no tape - very easy. Would recommend.

Latest Art

2009-02-19T21:14:00.001Z

Watercolour of Mum & Dad's Wedding

This is something I did to say thank you for the wedding dress etc. Sadly, dad didn't get to see it and it was for him that I put all the gold leaf in the background - he always loved gold!

The rest is bog standard watercolour (Holbeins) on Bockingford 300 lb

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One wedding and a funeral

2009-02-18T14:19:00.004Z

Long time since I've updated blog. Have been busy getting married and burying my dad. Sadly, he died 2 days after wedding, when we were on honeymoon, but all that's over now and I hope to get on with painting.

One of the last things he said to me was that I should stop "wasting my life" and "paint some proper paintings." He said he thought I wasn't using my talents at all and I know that he was right. My son & daughter in law are about to move out of our house (after 6 years!) and so (after honeymoon discussions with new husband) I'm going to turn their room into a proper studio. Half my problem right now is that any artwork has to be put away or one of the 7 cats will sit on it, play with it or leave muddy pawmarks over it. To have a room of my own will be untold luxury.

So I shall post up artwork and offer for sale if necessary. I would really like to be able to pass on teaching skills too, so please ask any questions re materials or techniques, if I don't explain at the time.

2008-07-24T09:47:00.003Z

Had a lovely day. The weather has suddenly taken a turn for the better and humans are smiling again. After a very busy day sorting out the Mikado Programme, taking the guinea pigs to the vet for their shots, taking Jas to the shops and buying stuff for out picnic, we went to Brownsea to see BOAT's Merchant of Venice.

I thoroughly enjoyed it and equally hated it. The last time I saw this play was a school outing to Stratford. I can honestly say I don't recall it being so racist. Now I am the last person to be PC - in fact, I probably go out of my way to be non PC, but there was something deeply offensive about the whole play. The idea of enforcing a religion on another, was one that needed very subtle handling and I didn't feel that this was achieved. The audience gave out an audible groan on that line and it seemed to me the cast themselves squirmed.

The director certainly relied too heavily on the individual performers own interpretation of their roles - there was no cohesion in the production, which resulted in the audience themselves trying to decide where their sympathies should lie. An admirable decision, but one that probably did not have the desired result.

Shylock was certainly played for sympathy, but he could have taken it much further. The wonderful "do we not bleed" speech was somewhat thrown away - it could have the audience in tears and probably should have. But it was Shylock's hatred of Antonio that needed work. The opening scenes helped, with Shylock spat on (I can't remember if it was Antonio, but I assume it must have been) and clearly reviled. But Shylock's crescendo of hatred, spiralling out of control and his finally wanting to kill Antonio, just did not happen.

But this production's problem must surely have been the lacklustre performance of the title role of Antonio. Interestingly played as a foolish father figure, the friendship (I seem to have swallowed an alliteration pill) with Bassanio (which could have been resoundingly and electrically homosexual) just didn't seem true. And it needed it. Antonio's initial sadness and possible unrequited love, was never explained or resolved - if not for Bassanio, then for whom?

All the other roles were well performed, with no one really standing out apart from Chaz Davenport as Solanio, who has the undoubted gift of making the archaic language entirely natural and understood by the audience. Julian Brown's Bassanio had the stunning profile of the beautiful perfect Renaissance man, which would have surely had Raphael and Michelangelo following him down the street. He really would have been very good as a man torn between his sexuality and would have made some sense of the lead casket's warning that marriage to Portia would mean renouncing everything! But all the characters are thoroughly unpleasant, from Bassanio's mercenary approach to marriage, Antonio's horrific cruelty, Shylock's hatred of Christians, to Portia's unneccessary trick on her future husband and vile justice for Shylock. The final scene leaves us realising that these 3 marriages are doomed to failure.

Oh well. The play's the thing. And the play, if taken from last night's performance with the audience as a whole hating the hero, is not so much anti Semitic as anti Christian.

Poor randy greasy little piggy

2008-06-30T22:19:00.007Z

I managed to separate the guinea pigs run with a nice bit of wood and some crafty brickwork, so that LJ could go in with his family and not make them pregnant! LJ quickly saw that this was pathetically easy to jump over and did so.

Realising my rookie mistake, I remade it, this time with the big wire grill from the bbq. I went back to my bookand turned back to glance happily at the guinea pigs who were now ALL TOGETHER. I think LJ had actually laughed out loud when he crawled underneath it. Realising we were now in Colditz territory I put in more bricks and sealed off every nook and cranny. This time our randy little piggy was going to stay put. And he did. But boy, did he try to say hello to the girls. Which is where I realised I should have cleaned the grill, as the poor little fellow quickly became covered in grease. So at the end of the day, the girls went back to their hutch and LJ had a bath!

Where do I begin?

2008-06-25T22:35:00.003Z

I thought that it might be interesting to start up the old blog again. I did have my lovely own blog, but doing the html was doing my head in, so that will have to stay where it is. This is easier. It does of course mean that a whole chunk of my life is now missing, but take it from me, you haven't missed much. Just a couple of shows I directed, our month in South Africa, getting engaged - doh!

So let's just start afresh.

This is now a blog about getting married and putting on a show. Lord help me. So quick update...

Re ENGAGEMENT

Kat proposed to me on last night of The Mikado. I was waiting in the wings, minding my own business, when I got called out on to the stage to take a bow. I hate doing it, but it's nice that the audience enjoyed the show, so I only do it on last nights. Jasmine presented me with a bag of nice red wine, which made me very happy!

The applause continued and I worried that the audience had no idea who this strange creature dressed as a stage hand was. So when Kat moved forward and held up his arms to the crowd, I thought thank goodness, he's going to introduce me. But he said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I have one more presentation to make". (So now I'm thinking Oh Goody, some flowers too and they'll know who I am at least). Kat gets on one knee. (And now I'm thinking OMG). "Penny, will you marry me?" (And now I'm speechless). I think I said yes, somewhere, sometime.

Re MARRIAGE

Have organised quite a lot. The castle is booked for Monday 5th January 2009. The dress is sort of organised. Mum and I are going to start with the fabric and see where it leads us. The registrar is booked. Not bothering with flowers (waste of money) and cars aren't needed either. Have not sent out all invites, but nearly done. Will try to do that this weekend. Not sure about wedding presents and if we should do the store list thingy. I always think it's crap and hate being told what to buy, but I can see the advantages. Probably will just let people surprise us - that will be funny. Am sure P & P will give us hideous picture of some sort as revenge for my hideous (well, I thought it was good) portrait I gave them. Kat has found several outfits he likes in the Sutlers Stalls website, so we need to go to our local shop and see what we can find.

Re MIKADO

The show went extremely well, but now we have lost a lot of our cast (particularly orchestra and chorus), so it's going to be tricky to get it organised in time. Last Monday's rehearsal went well though, so I am feeling a lot more positive about it. Have organised for some of the new principals to come round here and rehearse today.

Re ANIMALS

The guinea pigs number four now. Yesterday had to separate the baby boy from mum, Aunt and sister. He was sooo sad and squealed like he was dying. Today he just sits in his empty cage looking miserable. Will try to put some separation into the run so they can all see each other when I put them out in the garden. It's only for 4 - 5 weeks, then he can be done and go back in with them all.

The cats are 6 still. Although Jay is talking about taking Tigger with them. Poppy has turned into my lap cat, which can be very irritating.

RE WORK

I am surviving on my teaching, which is a bit of a problem. I am going to finish of mum's War Child artwork, which will pay off my credit cards and give me a small amount of cash to last for Summer. Then I'm concentrating on the G & S website - that needs to be up and ready to go before I go back to work in Sept - there's got to be some cash in that, but it's a hell of a lot of work. After that, I need to get my portrait of Claire finished. So quite a lot to do this Summer. I've kept one course going, a new one, Beginners Acrylic, which should be fun to do and only 6 weeks. Might be able to carry that on if enough people are interested.

Re FAMILY

Tom has just finished his A levels, so we wait with baited breath. He seems very confident and fully intends to go to Cardiff University (the better of the 2, I'm told).
Jay and Claire are still living with us, but actively trying to find a new home to stay.
Jas has finally cleaned her room with 98% help from me.

So that's the update. Let the fun commence..

HE'S BACK!

2006-11-23T13:40:00.000Z

Well, I was doing the washing up, sporting my sexy yellow rubber gloves and I felt the tap on my shoulder - no, not the sink tap.

So, a gentle tap and a sexy "hi" and I turned round and there he was. Four weeks of not seeing him and there he was. Oddly, he appears to have grown taller (or maybe I shrunk), but he is still sweet, kind, fantastically handsome and a God in bed, so it's definitely my Kat.

In two weeks time we are off to South Africa for a four week holiday with Jas.

Aren't I the lucky one?

Woo Yay! It's Done!!!

2006-11-16T23:49:00.000Z

Thursday 16th November - 3 days to go!

Today has been a really hard one.

It started pretty badly. Got up and staggered down to computer (like I usually do). No sooner had I sat in the chair when all the lights went out, the elec went off and then all came back on again. And with its return Kat's computer started SCREEEEEEEAMMMMMMING.

The noise was deafening. So I panicked and tried to contact Kat. He was out of reach, so I switched it all off at the wall. God knows what was wrong, but I suspect the poor soul will spend most of Sunday night and Monday trying to sort it out.

Me, I spent today sorting out the shed. To start with all the panels needed finishing and then all the roof in the smaller room needed insulated with polystyrene and then hardboard - that was hard work. Claire was a great help.

Once we'd done that, we needed to clean everything before we could start painting.

Had a spot of lunch and then started the mammoth task. It took 10 litres of magnolia (that's a lot of paint) and nearly 3 coats. Claire and I started at 4 and I finished at 10.30pm. But it's done. Now all we need to do is sort out the rails and bring down the costumes. Ha bloody ha.

Friends, Lovers and Chocolate

2006-11-13T18:14:00.000Z

13th November - OH MY GOD - ONLY 5 DAYS TO GO!!!

I have just finished the latest Isabel Dalhousie book - titled as above - they are so well written! I love her character (not least because she is of a similar age to me) but I equally despise it, because she won't act upon her love for Jamie (15 years her junior - ring any bells?). To be fair, I think Jamie only sees her as a close friend..but I live in hope that this friendship will develop into something greater. Why shouldn't I want everyone to be as happy as me?

FRIENDS

So my dear friends, Bruce and Trev, invited me for dinner on Saturday. How nice to have friends to look after you when you need it. The meal was brilliant (Trev is an excellent cook) with lasagne and Florida Lime Pie - the latter being gorgeous, but looking a lot like all the "pies" thrown on tv!

Of course, the evening started off with red wine. Then we hit the gin - yes, that is the amount of gin (BEFORE TONIC) in each glass. The meal would not be right without a decent port passed to the left and had to be finished with a nice cuppa South African tea. All of which meant I got substantially merry and managed to text Kat a drunken I love you, without remembering it the next day.
A while ago I gave Nim (one of our kittens) to B & T as she was not fitting in with our busy houshold and needed some individual tlc. Turned out she'd been getting more than her share of tlc from the local Toms - but that's another story. They always make out that she's this friendly little pussy and butter wouldn't melt...please see family shot. However, I would like to draw your attention to a more insightful photograph, capturing the evil one's true nature...
We obviously had to play a few games. Sadly, the Pictionary Clinic could not open due to a lack of partner, so we played Rummicub and Verbositi - both of which were great fun. I seem to recall that I won both, but this may just be the happy drunk talking. We came up with some classic phrases, but Trev's "Blind Cinderella's ejaculating yetis' incest tortured her," must surely win the day. I can't wait to play them with Kat - I know he would really like them.

Not sure when we got out the underwear - these lovely items appea r to belong to Bruce, who refused to model them! Trev told me the black zipped ones were never worn as they are for a medium sized gentleman...so I took them for my medium sized gentleman (nb we are not talking meat and two veg - that would need to be XXL!)

So a good night had by all - but the sight that met us on the table next morning was a little alarming and certainly open to misinterpretation!!!

LOVERS

So we only have a few more days apart.

It's been a struggle, particularly at the start when I seriously wondered if I would cope at all. I am sure Kat misses me, but he is in a new and exciting place with many interesting distractions. I found that as the weeks went on it got easier and, weirdly, I now feel like I did before I met him, but not a day goes by that I don't think of him and wish him here.

My saviour came in the form of a skype phone, which allows us to talk nearly every day and better than this, lets me see him too.

CHOCOLATE

I've asked best beloved to bring me back some American sweeties - or candy, as they like to refer to it.

You can actually buy all these on a British website for just under £23 (+ P&P), so I am hoping these will be substantially cheaper in the US of A. Sound good, don't they?

Here is my list!

1 pack of Reese's Cups
(Milk chocolate with a peanut centre)

1 bar of Hersheys Milk Chocolate
(Creamy, rich tasting Hershey milk chocolate)

1 pack of Hersheys Milk Duds 141g
(Caramel nuggets covered in a generous helping of Hershey milk chocolate)

1 pack of Hot Tamales
(Chewy cinnamon flavoured jelly beans)

1 bar of Hersheys Mr Goodbar
(Delicious creamy Hersheys milk chocolate with peanuts)

1 bar of Hersheys Milk Chocolate: Cookies 'n' Chocolate
(Lots of dark chocolate cookie pieces in every bite of Hershey milk chocolate)

1 bar of 3 Musketeers
(Smooth chocolate with a fluffy nougat centre. Similar to how a Milky Way used to be)

1 bar of Hersheys Whatchamacallit
(Similar to a Toffee Crisp but with peanut butter and subtle toffee caramel)

1 Hersheys kisses Bar
(Smooth creamy Hershey milk chocolate with chocolate cookie pieces)

1 bar of Hersheys S'mores
(A marshmallow and graham cracker centre smothered in Hersheys Milk Chocolate)

1 pack of Atomic Fireblast Candy
(Rich cinnamon flavour sugar candy)

Wasting away

2006-11-07T13:33:00.000Z

7th November - 11 days to go!

Have just got off the scales. I am horrified. I've lost half a stone. I knew I wasn't interested in food and that I was looking really gaunt, but this is really bad. If I don't do something I will have lost a stone by the time Kat gets back.

Am currently chomping my way through a Christmas family box of maltesers.

On a lighter note (ha!) I have finally mastered the wretched myspace layouts. I'm not really happy with the one I have, but I know Kat will be able to adjust the html so that it looks better.

Getting closer!

2006-11-06T23:05:00.000Z

NOVEMBER 6TH - 12 DAYS TO GO!!

Spent today in a state of misery. Had hospital appointment and basically told there is nothing to be done, it's hopeless, piss off. Wept all the way to the car.

Decided to brave it and put on stiff upper lip for rest of day. This partially succeeded, but felt like bursting by end of it. I am so sorry. I can't begin to describe the pain.

Had best fiend round tonight - so drank copious amounts of red wine and am now feeling decidedly better. Unfortunately this happy state will be one of repentance by tomorrow morning. Spent evening chatting about holidays and looking at internet.

Nb have just signed up for myspace (will put link here when beloved tells me how) which is less than exciting.

Beloved told me that he was interested in it, having chatted to a girl in a bar (you could actually see my hackles rise as he said that). Of course, I'm sure, she was very nice. It's just that I feel quite distanced from him and I think he is so gorgeous that ALL women must surely fall in love with him straight away.

I'm not sure he if would be bothered if I mentioned the blokes I've chatted to (though not drinking in a bar, it has to be said). I suppose it's all about trust. I trust him absolutely and totally, but I would still be angry if someone tried to chat him up. Not with him, but with the audacity of that someone. I guess that's still allowed - it seems fair. I suspect he feels the same. I have such fond and wonderful memories of Kat beating up (or trying to) some poor Italian who thought that I was fair game (or possibly on the game - it was a very short skirt). No one has EVER fought for me, before or since, and (although I was absolutely terrified he would be hurt at the time) I have never felt so loved or cared for.

So back to myspace. Asked kids if they had a myspace and they all said no because it's shit. Youngest daughter did then sign up for it, but I don't suppose she will ever use it again. SODIL said that she was signed up on something similar but better and then spent an hour trying to persuade me to join up. Myspace was quite enough thank you.

How cool is this?

2006-11-06T20:06:00.000Z

Old friend Gwyneth sent me this and it's wonderful - took a few seconds to work it out though!

The dark camels are shadows - the photo was taken from above - the little white line/shape below them is the actual camel.

And tonight's televisual treats were..

2006-11-05T23:05:00.000Z

Tonight we mostly watched..

Torchwood

The scripts are getting better. I'm not sure the characterisation is improving and I am still in mourning for the wonderful persona of Dr Who's Captain Jack - where did our frivolous, devil may care, swash buckling hero go?

Tonight's episode was still full of flaws. If a cybergirl was heading toward me with an intent to kill and I'm holding a gun and I can see the cybergirl has got a big fleshy belly and a pretty face with "target" written all over it, I might just aim for that. I know that one of the team eventually stuck a pointy sticky thing into said cybergirl and it survived, but a well aimed bullet might have sorted it out from the start.

And how the hell did it ever manage to transfer its brain from one body to another all by itself? I mean, HOW?

And why, oh why did the ubercybergirl have heels, and Madonna breasts, and a shapely arse? Would these have been useful in cyberland? Were they intending to make lots of little cyber babies? And if they did, would they need a can opener to deliver them?

And - oh, what's the use?

The Welsh tart's boyfriend is still alive - but his days must surely be numbered. Although, having said that, he does act as a nice foil to her relationship with Jack. And none of us want Jack to get off with her - we need him to remain aloof, alone and AVAILABLE.

Celebrity Scissorhands

So here we have yet another celebrity based reality tv show. This time it's a salon academy, with the many celebs (not) learning the necessary skills to groom somebody in time for Children In Need.

Ah. This could explain why I actually have heard of at least 4 of the celebrities - 2 of whom are one hit wonders (Fade to Grey and I'm too sexy for my blouse) and 2 actors who have faded to grey themselves.

The presenter is in desperate need of a square meal and appears to have stolen Pete Dougherty's 2005 wardrobe. Spooky. Actually, on second thoughts I can see a tiny Russell Bland trying to squeeze out of those skin tight jeans.

It is clearly based on the previous (and only slightly less awful) series, The Salon. Maybe it's just me, but I find it extraordinarily insulting to all beauticians/hairdressers - in that the premise of learning all the skills necessary to prepare the hair/makeup of guests of Children In Need in TWO WEEKS, suggests that it ain't that difficult to learn. I sincerely hope that someone in the business points this out. Nickie Clarke should tong the lot of them (hmmmmm...but only if I can watch).

One has to ask how far can these programmes go. If the professions are now at the mercy of celebrity, it's only a short walk to open heart surgery performed by Abi Titmouse or the constantly revolting John McCriririck taking cervical smears.

I did find it strangely fascinating to watch the poor Lisa left to the mercy of the trembling (q. for what reason? nervousness? lack of alcohol/drugs?) Steve Strangler. At what point would she tell him to piss off? How much does she understand of the set up? Has she heard of New Romanticism? The questions just pile up. And yet still he cuts. Her sweet face looks in the mirror in anguish. I can hardly bear to look.

All real characters mentioned are entirely fictional and a part of my sick imagination

Bonfire Night

2006-11-05T19:14:00.000Z

We had a very nice bonfire night. Went round to my parents and had a lovely firework display, followed by the usual excellent food. I took along my lemon roulade and Trev made a pavlova. Guests were somewhat restricted this year, as dad is obviously not well and no one wanted the evening to go on too long.

Adrian and Pam had made a guy, which was a nice touch.

Reminded me of my childhood, when so much of the evening's fun was down to making the guy. I seem to recall that at one time it was just me who made it, but then as sibling rivalry took hold, my brother made one too. I also remember the absolute terror of the jumping jack - it made me extremely scared of fireworks altogether. One of my earliest memories dates from Purbrook (so I must have been under 7) and standing crying in the doorway, being shouted at by my mother, because I didn't want to go and see the fireworks at the bottom of the garden!

After the party Bruce and Trev came back to ours for a game of Trivial Pursuit, which went on till 3am - at which point James and Bruce declared themselves the winners! So we all trundled down to the shed to see what a mess I've made of it ..not really.

Katwoman!

2006-11-04T17:47:00.000Z

4th November - only 14 days to go!!!!!

This is just a funny thing I spotted when chatting with my beloved on Skype. He appears to have the body of a woman - well, it's actually Gaiman's Coraline on my desk top (I adore that man - almost as much as Dave Mckean) (but not nearly as much as Kat).

Happy Halloween

2006-10-31T21:29:00.000Z

This was a quiet Halloween. Jasmine went trick or treating - but not before she gave away practically all the sweets I'd got for our visiting trick or treaters.

The tv has died again - myth front end has frozen and so we can't watch any tv. Tom tried to fix it but can't. Looks like it's going to stay that way till Kat comes home. Great. I still have the little tv in the study, so I can watch in there. It could be worse.

Spent day sorting out stuff. Phoned Dave and he said if the £100 wasn't enough, how much would be? Am sure I can get more for these things on ebay, but the doors and wood will be more useful to us in other ways.

Kat is going out to get blasted on Jack Daniels tonight - funny to think it's only lunchtime in Seattle and he has all Halloween evening to look forward to - in America too. He's very lucky.

Halloween Cat

2006-10-30T19:50:00.000Z

30th October - 19 days to go!!

Jasmine is getting excited about Halloween. I bought her a pumpkin kit and she has carved it with the traditional wolf (the only time of year her obsession makes sense).

Ref photos to see that I actually share our house with a 2 insane people.

Poppy is becoming increasingly naughty - most of the time she is at the taps in the kitchen sink or on top of the fridge. You now take your life in your hands every time you go to get the dinner ready - avoiding large blunt objects that arbitrarily fly from the top of the fridge

Red red red

2006-10-29T00:28:00.000Z

29th October - 20 days to go!!

So I thought it would be a good idea to colour my hair - the red had turned to a bland orange. Little did I realise that the stupid dye was a really stoopid dye. It went bloody everywhere. My ears, neck and jaw were red - the sink and bath went (and still are) red - the downstairs sink went red and the chopping board is now red. The kitchen and bathroom look like recent scenes from A Chainsaw Massacre and I closely resemble one of the victims. It took hours to get the stuff off my skin and a whole bottle of cleanser.

I got Claire to take a picture - sorry it's so cheesy, but beggars can't be choosers.

Here is the result. I think it was worth it!

Had nice long chat with best beloved (it's now 1.30am) and am off to bed. Halloween round the corner! Beloved off to party the night away, but I am stuck at home ferrying childs. Seems wrong somehow. Oh well. Could go out with Claire to Bournemouth - but I'm sure everyone would think I'm in some old witch's costume. Probably ask me to take my mask off cos it's frightening them. I wish I was beautiful - oh dear..am beginning to feel sorry for myself again. Time for bed, said Zebedee. How the hell did he get in here?

The shed continues....

2006-10-26T19:04:00.000Z

26th October - 23 DAYS TO GO!

This is great, the first week is nearly out of the way and that was always going to be the most difficult. Life without him is lonely, but I'm getting on with it now and don't miss him nearly so much. Thank goodness. Funnily enough, I think this has a lot to do with chatting each day (on video cam too), it means a lot to me.

And on with the shed. Mum and I worked out how to put up the next set of panels, but she had to go early, so I got on with it. She did assume this was impossible and I must admit it wasn't easy balancing these huge pieces of hardboard across 2 pathetically small workmates (benches that is, not humans). So I kind of adopt a mad position holding the hardboard between my legs and using the jigsaw very gingerly. Actually, that's not really true. I didn't use the jigsaw gingerly, I bloody well went for it!!! It's quite exhilerating, hacking insanely through giant wobble boards. I can see why Kat loves his chainsaw so much.

So here is the result so far - I've done most of 2 walls. Every board needed downsizing and most of them needed bits cut out, which is the tricky bit. If they aren't quite right, fitting wise, I had to hack at them with the stanley knife - and it's really difficult cutting through hardboard.

Oh well. Tomorrow is teaching in the morning, then shed in the afternoon!

I think I will paint all the walls once they are done.

I think I'm drowning, asphyxiated -

2006-10-24T12:07:00.000Z

Well, I don't know if my time is running out (I hope not) but last night it certainly felt like it.

I should explain. I often suddenly wake, at any time of the night, unable to breathe. I usually feel that I am dying and if I don't breathe within seconds I will be dead. The problem is that I have forgotten how to and it's almost impossible to will your ribcage open to make your lungs fill up.

It's a terrible and extremely upsetting thing. I usually grab Kat or bury myself into him, into his reality. And somehow I can breathe again.

Last night was awful. I woke with a bad attack and had nothing to help me. I started wildly grabbing at anything I could find and found myself silently screaming "Oh God won't someone help me!" In my desperation I managed to knock everything off the bedside table - the cd player, light, teddy bears, books, water - all went flying. I was so sure that this time I was going to die. I could see myself dead in the morning and the kids having to tell Kat.

When I finally got that gasp of air into my lungs, I lay there panting and thinking I never want to sleep again.

The rest of the night was just spent intermittently dozing and having weird nightmares.

So I went to the doctor. I hoped that he might at least give me some possible explanations, but he was useless. Told me he had no idea what it was, but it was probably some sort of mental illness (he told me not to get upset at that). I said I clearly am unhappy now and very lonely, but I was not depressed in the medical sense. None the less, he prescribed some happy pills and told me to take them immediately. He said they may cause insomnia and I shouldn't really drive when taking them (for the next 4 weeks). I looked them up on the internet and realised that these were tablets that I would not be taking now or indeed, ever.

So now I'm really looking forward to going to bed tonight.

It's strange

2006-10-23T21:34:00.000Z

It's strange. It's 10.30 at night. I'm in a house full of people. I can hear sounds of laughter everywhere. And yet I've never been so lonely in all my life.

Three Steps to Heaven

2006-10-23T18:14:00.000Z

Monday 23rd October - 26 DAYS TO GO

So today was terribly exciting. Ok, that's totally untrue.

Woke up early to get to Post Office before work. Beloved managed to go to the States without an adaptor for any of the twenty electrical items he took with him. I refrain from any further comment. So I got the 2 plugs we already possessed, packed them nicely with a love letter and hurried off to the main Post Office, with daughter - its' half term. I was delighted to see that I was in a queue of over 10 pensioners. Which begs the question why do ladies of a certain age adopt the woolly hat? It's not that cold, and God knows they are no fashion statement. But there they were - this sea of angora knitwear, spreading in front of me for all eternity. I waited. And waited. And waited. As the last wibbly wobbly made for the till, I breathed a sigh of relief. The postperson was very helpful and said my parcel should get to Beloved before the end of the week - providing I pay £7.50. Which I did. Cos I'm nice. And cos it will mean we can chat and stuff.

Teaching was fine. The work is looking very good and will make a nice display.

So charged off to the Bournemouth hospital to get my blood tests done. Have important appointment with Head of Whatever in 2 weeks time and have just discovered that the blood tests have to be done AT LEAST 2 weeks in advance. Oops. Hence the insanity today. Arrive at clinic and discover waiting time is only 85 minutes. Hang on. ONE HOUR AND TWENTY FIVE MINUTES??? I commented to the nice receptionist that this seemed a longish time to wait. And she said Poole would be 2 weeks, so it's down to you - 85 minutes or 2 weeks? Her sarcasm was lost on me. I sourly replied that I always got straight in when I went to Poole and handed over my paperwork. I suggest you go and get a drink she said. My mind immediately was sitting in a pub, with a pint of Guinness. Well, I was going to lose a lot of iron in those 2 small phials of blood - it's more than an armful! Of course, she meant tea. So went back to car, got daughter, had lunch, bought magazines, meandered slowly back and got called in after 5 minutes. Perfect timing.

The Step

So yesterday I managed to persuade my hulking great son and his diminutive girlfriend (now brunette) to move the slabs of concrete, to make a lovely step to our chalet shed thingy. After many tantrums (so reminiscent of his dear father) the steps were done. Today, went out with my mum to get some gravel (our chalet was becoming a walk in mudbath) and some wood for the next stage of panelling. Tom, my skinny great son, put down the gravel - for a price!

Tom
Tom's friend Ali has arrived and so now our household is back to 6 people..oh goody. At least it will stop me constantly getting out that extra plate and having to put it away again, with a lump in my throat.

The shed saga continues

2006-10-20T12:45:00.001Z

Saturday 21st Oct - 28 days to go!

Nb this is a very trivial blog, designed to allow beloved in America a chance to see how my bland little life is developing while without him.

Beloved has been gone less than 48 hours and I've finally stopped crying! Things are looking up.

Kat was very concerned about my working with a nail gun - so here's a picture of me juggling stanley knives.

I GOT A SILVER MACHINE
It was good to get a text at 1.30 am to let me know he was safe - I couldn't have slept without knowing. But I was woken 6 hours later by the arrival of the new washing machine - they were passing and would I like it now (at 7.30am) rather than 10 hours later? So I dragged my weary body out of bed into the half light (or should that be half life?) and we are now the proud owners of a wonderful washing machine that works...oh, and doesn't smell! I have obviously spent the day piling more and more into said silver square. It has not objected too much, so far.

I BEEN SKYPED
I suppose it was a good idea. Kat and I can talk to each other for free. I've no idea how it works, but it does. Well, it did. I figured that gorgeous kreecher stuck in Seattle would be awake early and so I pressed the button that said "Skype me". It had a smiley face, so it looked nice and friendly. A few minutes later, I notice I've missed a call from some foreign stranger. And then another man is chatting to me, telling me how beautiful I am in my photograph. I say thank you and please go away. Then the phone rings. Not the weirdo in chat I pray. No worse. A Frenchman. Who doesn't speak English. Non parlez Francais! I shout down the phone in a bizarre mixture of Italiano Franco (I was under pressure). Eventually, I put the phone down on him - to the hysterics of my now disinherited children. Who are all these men? What have I done? And the little smiley face grins back at me. He knows. And suddenly so do I. I remove evil yellow clown smiley face. A little while later my beloved is awake and online. Yay! We talk with a weird 2 second gap - so we constantly interrupt each other and then stop abruptly because we hear the other one talking, in a dreadful and incessant loop. Chatting via skype or messenger might be easier, but it was still good to hear his voice. And he still loves me, so my darkest fears aren't realised then. Well, not yet anyway.

THE SHED

Now feeling refreshed and happier, I decide it's time to begin the shed. Me muvver turns up and we make a start. It was hard work, but not as bad as I thought it would be. The knife cut into the polystyrene like butter. My mum's measuring left a little to be desired, but kept us amused.

Later, Tom came out to help me finish off and it was a joy to work with him. Here's a shot of me throwing stanley knives at him and one of him dancing his way out of trouble....

The first part of the insulation is done. Sadly, I was hoping to go to an art event tonight and do a spot of being artistic thingy, but when I start something I just have to finish it. Tomorrow will be trickier - we have to cut up the hardboard with a jigsaw and something called a workmate or bench or big blue thing stuck by the shed.

Tune in for the next post straight from Poole General Hospital.

My paranormal dreams

2006-10-20T12:45:00.000Z

Oh yuch. This is so difficult. How do you sort out ways to cope with a partner off on business abroad for a month? Strangely, I think I've been in the mindset for at least a week; constantly assessing how I will feel when he is gone. And now he has. Today. He's in the air as I type.

So a couple of weeks ago, I had a dream. I dreamed that Kat got sent to the States on business, that I got very upset about it and that the place he stayed was a tall large white square building. I told Kat. He remained as impressed and excited as he always does when I tell him my dreams - he's very tolerant, bless him. 3 days later he comes home and tells me work is sending him to America in 2 weeks. For a month. I got upset. I go quiet when I get upset, so it's not so bad. The next day I got over it and remembered the dream. Weird - a real coincidence. Later, I saw a photo of the building he's staying in and yes, it was tall, large, square and white. I was really spooked then.

The last weeks have been tricky, so much to organise. We will only have a fortnight when Kat returns before we are off on our holiday of a lifetime(to South Africa). Which meant I had to work really hard to get everything organised and confirmed, while Kat was still around to agree to it! It's all done, more or less.

To conclude, the prophetic dreams are becoming more frequent. But apart from the Kat one, they seem to have no purpose. They usually are things that I see the following day or 2 on tv. Like a house developed for forensics - I saw that the day before, with dancing policemen. And yes, I have considered that I see it subconsciously and then dream it, but somehow I don't think so.

Bournemouth Adult Learning - BAL for short

2006-10-09T22:57:00.000Z

This is something that breaks my heart and has made me quite ill - but it must be said. Bournemouth Adult Learning are a bunch of ***** (please fill in your own expletive, it can't be worse than mine). After a very successful set of AS level marks (3 As, 2 Bs, 1 C), which were won in spite of my sticking to the rules and the other AS tutor making them up, I find that I am without an A2 course and my students have nowhere to go.

I was informed by the College that my course was to be cancelled due to low numbers . Cancelled? But what about Abi Kremer's identical course? She had the same number of students on hers. Oh well, they say, her course is more cost effective. So that's the reason that 3 of my brilliant students are now without a course... it's not cost effective. I explained that if the college had the courtesy to discuss this with me I might have persuaded them to move centrally (even cheaper than Abi's course - ooh wow), but they weren't interested.

So I resigned.

The resignation was not just as a result of their incredible stupidity, but also as a reaction to their continued rejection of all pensioners.

They prattle on and on about EQUALITY AND DIVERSITY, but if you're over 60, screw you. They've taken away all your concessions ...sorry, you can still get them if you are a blind lone parent black lesbian earning less than 12p a week...or better still, YOU'RE A MUSLIM OR IMMIGRANT.

Oh yeah and they've made all the courses accredited - so you now have to take exams.

And how many pensioners want to take exams? They just want to do a bit of painting and drawing, with help from a nice tutor in a nice friendly atmosphere.

But that's not what Adult Ed is all about now. Oh no. It's all lesson plans, schemes of work, course/learner/tutor evalutions/assessments that go on for ever and ever. The latest is RARPA - where the learner (we don't call them students any more) has to evaluate how much they've learned and when they learned it. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON HEALTH AND BLOODY SAFETY!!! When will people EVER learn to take responsibility for themselves again? I had to fill a full report to take my students 5 minutes down the road to the library for God's sake AND I had to seriously consider their a) getting knocked down by a bus (we have dangerous buses in Bournemouth) b) a terrorist attack c) bookcases falling down on top of them d)them falling down the stairs e) the lift plumetting them all to their squishy deaths. And so on. I should have added...e) alien abduction f) falling through the space/time continuum and g)meeting Tom Cruise, converting to Scientology and therefore missing the library exhibition.

I was being buried in a mountain of useless, pointless paperwork, which only served to indulge the ever increasing admin staff. And yes, they now had it on paper that I was doing the exact right thing, down to the minute - but hey! I could have made it up -and, here's a thought, maybe (just maybe) the other tutors did too - particularly the crap ones. God help us. The nanny state has taken over and taken away all the decent tutors and replaced them with lying automatons, who go through the motions to no ones benefit.

The shed is nearly done!

2006-10-09T22:25:00.000Z

OMG
It's hard to believe that 9 months down the line we managed to get a shed built. Dave came up trumps (in spite of our misgivings) and the thing is done. We have purchased heaters and humidifiers to go inside and my mum has helped out financially so that we can get it insulated. It's all very exciting. On a sad note, beloved is going away for a month to Seattle in less than 2 weeks and I am really dreading it. Meanwhile here are some happy snaps of our new chalet!

Concrete and fraud

2006-08-04T10:59:00.000Z

So, we gave this man (JOHN WRAY) £800 deposit and off he went. When I phoned him up to let him know the concreting was done, he said great and that he would have it done for the end of the month.

A few weeks later I phoned back and he said there was a problem. Apparently his father was poorly and he was selling his business.

Now, if I had any sense at all I would have said WHAT ABOUT MY MONEY. But I didn't. He said he was selling to a friend and that he would come back with friend and check out the situation. And they turned up. Friend (Dave) said it was all possible and that he would give me a quote - "can't you do it for the price previously agreed?" I asked. "Well," says he, "material prices will have gone up in the last 6 months." Hmmm.

Dave phoned to say that materials were up, but in fact John had got the price wildly wrong. I suggested he contact John and sort it out between them. It was at this point that things took a downward turn.

John disappeared. And yes, with our money.

Dave says he's left his address and we know his mobile phone number no longer works.

On a positive note he had bought the windows and doors, which Dave now had. Apparently they only came to about £500. And Dave gave us a new quote - £6,500.
That's (including our doors etc) £3000 more than John.

Thanks, John.

Thon.

So I have got another couple of quotes. A guy (Paul) has been in to give us a quote for loft and shed. And I've sent all the bumf to another company for a shed quote.

So we wait over the weekend to see if and what Paul will quote us on Monday.

Dr Feelgood's Tatto Parlour and Emily Strange's cat

2006-08-04T08:21:00.000Z

Now that is a title to be proud of.

Sounds like the latest Tim Burton movie.

I think I cheated a little because it's not a parlour, it's a studio. Anyway, it's based in Poole and it's where I went to have my first tattoo and quite honestly, I think it will be my last.

I have long wanted to have a tattoo and with my beloved's arms covered in them, it seemed I should have at least one. In fact, I really wanted to celebrate my love for him in a permanent way - dangerous, I know. Having had one disastrous marriage I am fully aware that sometimes things just don't work out (although I truly believe it will this time) and so I wanted to be careful what I stuck permanently into my flesh. Since his name is Kat and I adore the feline species, a cat seemed obvious. On my internet browsing I came across Emily Strange and her cats, and that was that.

My sort of daughter in law (henceforth referred to as sodil) wanted one too and I helped her to design it. Hers was to be the word Angel on her lower back. So clutching our tattoos in our hands we hotfooted our way to the local tattoo parlour - having checked it and others out on the web first. They were not over enthusiastic to help us and we were slightly put off by a certain member of staff, who we both prayed would not be doing our tattoos. After a brief moment of solid fear, we were told they couldn't do it today and booked us in for a few days later.

So Thursday arrived and we found ourselves in Dr Feelgoods. Our tattooist was a young girl, who clearly would not stand for any nonsense. She told me to sit and I did. She told me not to move and I said I wouldn't. She told me not to flinch away from the pain. And I .....PAIN???? No, that wasn't mentioned before....my beloved said it was a bit uncomfortable to start with and then it just became irritating. There was nothing about pain.

Now I could feel the sweat prickling my entire body. What in God's name had I let myself in for?

And then she slapped some goo on and started.

Ok. I've given birth to 3 (what could be loosely described as) children and 2 of those births were traumatic. So I can cope with many many hours of pain, but this was horrid. Now it may be the shoulder blade is a nasty place and I am not very fleshy, so I suspect the arms (particularly on a man) are not so painful. However, this was really nasty. It certainly felt like someone was scraping a sharp needle deeply into my skin. To be fair, the tattooist did it in stages, about 10 - 20 seconds each. Each time my threshold of pain would slowly be eroded and then she would stop, just for a few seconds and I could breathe again. I certainly was glad that it was not a big one and was regretting that it was black (this is the most painful colour apparently). After a lifetime and me constantly asking, like a child, is it done yet, it was. The relief was tremendous. She then put some more goo and a large bandage like covering on it.

Now it was SODIL's turn. Hers took just as long. She didn't seem to grimace as much as me and for a while seemed to become comatose. I couldn't help noticing that her knuckles were so deep in the upholstery that they had gone from white to green.

|Eventually we were given aftercare instructions. Keep the bandage on for 3 hours, then wash the area with soap and water. Apply savlon and continue to apply savlon 3 times a day, eventually changing to moisturiser.

We went out of the tattoo parlour in a desperate search for a pub.

James (sodil's other half and my son) suddenly pointed out that I was bleeding. This gave me a panic flash and I pictured myself in hospital with a hemorrhage. Quickly checking out SODIL's I could see hers was bleeding too.

100 yards later I noticed SODIL's was oozing blood and goo down her backside. So we found a chemist and got some tissues and wipes to sort it out. NB we only wiped the dribbling goo - I knew we had to leave the tattoo'd area alone. This ended up with us standing outside Superdrug (with 3 policemen watching us suspiciously) and me wiping SODIL's bum. Lovely.

Following alcohol and crisps, we felt much better and went home. The tattoos were throbbing pleasantly and SODIL's was certainly stopping her from moving freely.

We washed each others down as instructed and had a pretty uncomfortable night.

The following morning we both decided to avoid the shower (not allowed a bath) and above are the photos of the state of play.

I will post regularly to show what happens....

Concrete at last

2006-06-02T10:21:00.000Z

So we finally have concrete! The guys took a fortnight to do it, but they were really nice - even replanting a shrub for me. They still need to come back and finish off, but the base is done. Have contacted John the shed man and he says he'll get it finished by the end of June. This was one of the main factors in deciding not to go back to opera just yet - we are going to be SO busy with all this over Summer.

The next work of art!

2006-05-18T18:06:00.000Z

Hurray! Finished Cherrill and Robert's portrait - it's ok - would look better with some life work..but then it wouldn't have been a surprise.

Building a concrete base

2006-05-18T16:36:00.000Z

So the builders fell through and we went with Baron Levine. At least I know he won't rip us off. The quote was steep though - £2,400. Pretty nasty really, but once the guys started the job I knew we'd made the right decision. They took 2 days to flatten the site and dig up the roots. They even very kindly replanted a shrub for me. 10 tons of gravel arrived (initially a little too early) and they started laying it down and shoring it up. Everything is set for the big day tomorrow, when they stick the concrete in. The weather forecast is really not good though, so it may not happen. Fingers crossed.

Re other stuff. Die Fledermaus has died. I couldn't stand it anymore. Kat resigned for the second time and pointed out that I was becoming a deeply unhappy person. I didn't realise all the crap had impacted so much on our personal life, I just felt I was struggling against the tide. I went to the Sunday rehearsal and met more conflict - that company has no idea how to treat a director and I walked out in misery. As I typed a letter informing the principals of various important bits and bobs, I found myself typing a resignation letter. Most peculiar. It's a decision that I have not regretted for one second. I'm sorry, of course, but je ne regretter rien.

Other stuff. The AS art students are pulling it together. Hopefully, we'll get some good results. I'm finding it tiring though.

Thinking about joining Bmth G & S for Princess Ida. Not sure that I really want to give up one or maybe 2 evenings a week - the mad dash to get food on the table before going out is such a nightmare. Besides, I cherish our laid back evenings together and I know Kat does too. Will have to think about it.

Further shed dramas

2006-03-30T12:53:00.000Z

When I think how tricky this is turning out to be, my stomach flips at the thought of redoing our loft.

However. We have now got a little bit further. The shedman gave us some names to get the roots, concrete and electrics done.

His electric guy quoted us £600!! So I phoned someone else and got it done for £300. Is the word, sheister?

And then the concrete guys. They phoned to say they would do it later. Then they phoned later to say it would be another 3 weeks. Then the day before they were due to come they phoned to say it was the wrong kind of weather for concrete and it would be another fortnight - I told them I thought they were lying and that I am not stupid. And THREE weeks later they phoned to say it would be another 3 weeks. So I said that I would book them in and meanwhile try to phone someone else to do it. 2 days later they phoned to say they were cancelling US because WE WERE UNRELIABLE!!!!!! If you want their names and addresses so as to avoid them in the future please post a comment.

Starting to get back to art

2006-02-27T18:52:00.001Z

Have finally got out the oil paints and started to make an effort. And God what an effort! I had no idea how to paint with the damn things and had to trawl the internet to find a few tips. Started a portrait of Bruce and Trev, but it's going to be a long haul. Painted in Trev's head and not displeased.
Then went to teach on Friday and continue my lesson doing a demonstration of portraiture with acrylic. Very surprised that my style seemed to have changed since experimenting with oils - and suddenly realised the right technique for oils..and it wasn't so far removed from acrylic!
Went back to Trev head and totally repainted it. What a difference! Now very pleased with how it is coming on - still needs loads of work, but the technique is there at last!

2006-02-27T18:52:00.000Z

Goodbye Mozzie

2006-02-23T13:37:00.000Z

It is with heavy heart that I admit that Mozart will not be coming back. We were phoned 2 days ago by someone who had found his little body in their drive. They very kindly buried him. He didn't go missing for long in reality, he must have just popped outside for a quick walk and got knocked down almost immediately. It is also a possibility that he had a stroke or heart attack - he had been acting out of sorts for a while, and I was thinking about taking him to the vet for a checkup. Too late now. He was only 4, which is no age for a cat. And he was a human cat anyway - one of those remarkable animals that seem to have a complete human character. We have 4 more, but none of them were like Mozart and none will be missed like Mozart.
Bye bye, little friend, sleep well.

The Shed Saga 2

2006-01-17T19:16:00.000Z

Thank heaven for yellow pages.

I decided to look up a new shed man to get another quote. Book opened on the conservatory page and wonders to behold, there was a small local business dealing with sheds - or garden offices as they like to call them. So I phoned him up and he came round at the weekend.

Oh joy! He said the conservatory was rather nice and why move it in the first place? Why not put the shed around it? Kat had suggested this initially, but we felt that it would just be too tricky. But The Shed Man was not phased at all.

His quote was £4000 - a lot less than before! Kat is going to do the insulation (with help) and all looks very rosey!

The architect came round on Tuesday (today) and took all the measurements.

Things are beginning to move....

The First Ball of the Season

2006-01-15T01:47:00.000Z

So this was the Beloved's dinner and dance. Actually, this means strange food from 4 different Countries and a disco with karaoke. What ever happened to the Dinner and Dance?

We had a few snacks (disguised as a buffet) and to be fair, the wine was fast and furious to start with. The disco was good, but at no stage did the guests realise they were obliged to dance. Kat and I did our best to represent the happy people, but we just looked sad.

Kat then decided to slash his wrists. I don't blame him. In fact he attempted to remove his sgian dubh (look it up) from his sock and managed to slash his finger. Stuck Pig comes to mind.

The entertainment was non-existent and the "motivating talk" was anything but. Why don't these people realise that the guys at the party wanted to chat, dance and screw (probably, but not necessarily, in that order). Long boring lectures about global responsibilities are not going to go down well - nor is (Oh Joy) Darren from The Call Centre's nomination for a local Award (Go, Darren! Yo!)

The main team remained in the Smoke Machine (sorry, bar) and I couldn't join in (allergy to smoke- end up looking like Fu Man Chu after 10 minutes). So we remained on the deserted dance floor.

In desperation we got up and sang "No One Knows" by QOTSA and we felt totally fulfilled - well, I would have been if my mike were working. Half way through the DJ realised and switched it on. My life was made complete when a happy couple came up to us and said, "You were great! Even though you obviously didn't know the song"... which would not have been SO bad if it weren't one of my FAVOURITE BLOODY SONGS EVER AND I KNOW EVERY FUCKING WORD.

Shit.

It got worse.

The bar closed. At 12 am....yes, the UK has 24 hour drinking now. But not in the mini time zone that is the Royal Bath hotel. We decided we had to leave and as we passed another busy bar in same hotel we thought Happy Days. We ordered 2 glasses of wine. We were given 2 glasses of wine. We were asked for our room number. We explained that we were from the WDS do in the suite next door and the bartender wouldn't let us have the drinks. We offered to pay, but it was jobsworth. I had a sudden frenzied thought that I could down both red wines and see what he would do...but I didn't. And the wanker took our drinks and threw them away.

Could it get any worse?

Oh but it could.

As were leaving the Royal Bath in Bournemouth (I am naming names because these gits are total wankers) I was stopped and asked to return the few rosebuds that I had picked up from the table. What exactly was the doorman going to do with these flowers? He was going to throw them away obviously. But I was not allowed to take them home and put them in a vase and enjoy them for a few days. How BLOODY PATHETIC is that?

Sorry. I just had to vent my anger. He made me feel like a petty thief. And because it was my beloved's WDS works do I could not say anything that would jeopardise his future. So I kept my peace and felt a fool.

Thank you very much The Royal Bath Hotel, Bournemouth.

The Shed Saga

2006-01-12T13:18:00.000Z

Have now got estimate for shed. Oh dear.

They want £10,000

That does include double glazing (just under £1000) and insulation (£2000).

Not sure if it is good value though. We will have to get another quote before we go with this one.

Monday Monday so good to me - or an indictment on the Government's policies for Adult Education from a very disillusioned teacher

2006-01-10T09:16:00.000Z

Spent day feeling totally knackered and then wide awake when I went to bed. WHY??

Got a few things done.

Morning spent teaching as usual. Managed to speak to class about next September (my students no longer have a class to go to, but I am going to continue to teach them privately).

Explained that Government entirely responsible for pushing out the Pensioners from Adult Education. They are only interested in them if they are illiterate in some way (computer illiterate included) and consequently can take an exam and bump up the successful Education figures. It's pathetic.

When I started teaching, my classes were filled with happy people keen to improve their skills at watercolour and painting. But over the years the paperwork increased (for both me and them) - more evaluations than would fill a rain forest - and then came the burden of PROOF.! I had to prove that I had taught them something, so I had to fill in minute by minute lesson plans and initial assessments and schemes of work and course informations sheets and lesson evaluations/assessments and give them individual "certificates" so on. And because I had to complete all this garbage, the administration team at the college became immense - I think there are nearly 3 times the admin staff than there are actual teachers. And still the Admin Army continues to grow - with administration for the Administrator's Adminstrators (I'm not joking). And don't get me started on Risk Assessments and Health and Bloody Safety and Compulsory Day Courses and Equal Opportunities. And yet it gets worse. The students are no longer students, but have become "learners". They can no longer learn, they have to be seen to have learned. So they all have to produce set course work with final portfolios or take exams. All the Improvers were completely screwed because they can't jump in and take a stage 3 - they have to go back to stage 1.

So I rode the system and encouraged some of my ladies and gentlemen to take GCSE art and very well they did too. I am currently taking a few of them through A level. I now teach the others privately and will have even more in September.

But the sad truth is that my teaching days with the college (sorry, "Adult Learning") are numbered. My lessons are now very few and the hours of paperwork involved for each of them is simply not worth the wage. My private lessons are paper free and enjoyable relaxed sessions where I teach and the students learn. It's the way forward. I understand that several other tutors in Adult Ed are also starting up. I wonder how long it will be before all the disillusioned teachers and pupils get together and start their own college - with no crappy paperwork - just good teaching.

And Good Teaching, let's face it, doesn't have to be monitored - IT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. Happy students stay with the teacher and enjoy their lessons - if they don't like it, they speak with their feet. Most of my students have been with me for years - not a loyalty born of familiarity, but one of achievement.

So who is to blame for all this silliness? The key word, I am told, is funding. But funding is just another way of saying it's the Government's fault and we voted them in, so we are to blame - aren't we? Actually, I can smile knowlingly at this point because I didn't vote the bar stewards in. Tee hee.

Am currently about to start directing Die Fledermaus for Operatic Society. Having read through script it was abundantly clear to me that this was a first rate farce and could easily be set in the Brian Rix school of Comedy. But the Company I'm directing would not cope with the 60s costumes I wanted and the grey rinse brigade (sorry - the audience) would be disappointed if the girls didn't wear the pretty sparkley frocks. Pooh.

So I am laboriously typing up the libretto, so that I can do my stage direction book and the cast can have an online copy (so much easier) of my rewrites and directions.

So day spent teaching and typing and doing the week's shopping and sorting out GCSE drama for next Sept and cooking dinner (latter, with help from beloved). I really need to get a life, this one is far too complicated.

The Blogging Reason

2006-01-08T18:50:00.000Z

Ok The reason for starting a blog is this. Delicious partner and I have decided to turn loft space into a retreat. This would mean a cross between a cinema and artists workshop. The 500+ costumes that currently inhabit that space will be rehoused in a chalet type thingy at the bottom of the garden. The present occupier of that space, a small conservatory, will either be moved to extend our present study or be sold.

So tons to do.

The current state of play is this..
The architect is due over in a week to measure loft space.
The shed man is sending us a quote for the shed this coming week.
We have to make a decision on the conservatory depending on that quote (shift the old one to the back of the house or buy a new one)

So here's to a stress free loft space - which I can forsee is going to be total hell getting there.

My beloved's hair cut

2006-01-08T16:35:00.000Z

It's a really weird thing. You've known this man for years and suddenly he's not the same. I should explain here that he had A LOT of hair cut off. We are talking feet not inches here. But I find it fascinating that I now perceive him so differently. What has, after all, changed? So he cut off a lot of hair and shaved his beard - he's not exactly had plastic surgery. And yet, he's not the same. He really isn't. He definitely looks a lot younger (not so good for me, being the older partner) and he really does look very, dare I say it, trendy. He would not look out of place in a fashionable and modern bar and maybe that is the problem, because he certainly would have done before. BHC (Before Hair Cut) he was, how can I put this...very individual. VERY individual. As one of his dear friends commented, a cross between Christ and Ozzie Osbourne. He doesn't look like that now. Now he resembles a character in Lost. Sawyer to be precise. I mean, I can hardly complain about that, can I? Yes, I must be mad. He's not so attractive as he was - the overall dark and well defined features are softened with the lighter beard and hair and this is a man who does dark VERY WELL. So perhaps that's it. I preferred him dark. Good. Sorted. Just got to wait a few more days for the beard to grow and perhaps I'll recognise again the gorgeous son of Satan I fell in love with.

The First Post

2006-01-08T10:42:00.000Z

Am lying in bed with beloved (not looking like himself following disastrous hair cut) and enjoying the luxury of being able to use a computer and sleep at the same time. He has opted out and plugged himself back into ipod (new, megabucks Christmas pressie from me).

Have managed to achieve one item on today's agenda already, so Sunday is looking good so far......