The First Ball of the Season

So this was the Beloved's dinner and dance. Actually, this means strange food from 4 different Countries and a disco with karaoke. What ever happened to the Dinner and Dance?

We had a few snacks (disguised as a buffet) and to be fair, the wine was fast and furious to start with. The disco was good, but at no stage did the guests realise they were obliged to dance. Kat and I did our best to represent the happy people, but we just looked sad.

Kat then decided to slash his wrists. I don't blame him. In fact he attempted to remove his sgian dubh (look it up) from his sock and managed to slash his finger. Stuck Pig comes to mind.

The entertainment was non-existent and the "motivating talk" was anything but. Why don't these people realise that the guys at the party wanted to chat, dance and screw (probably, but not necessarily, in that order). Long boring lectures about global responsibilities are not going to go down well - nor is (Oh Joy) Darren from The Call Centre's nomination for a local Award (Go, Darren! Yo!)

The main team remained in the Smoke Machine (sorry, bar) and I couldn't join in (allergy to smoke- end up looking like Fu Man Chu after 10 minutes). So we remained on the deserted dance floor.

In desperation we got up and sang "No One Knows" by QOTSA and we felt totally fulfilled - well, I would have been if my mike were working. Half way through the DJ realised and switched it on. My life was made complete when a happy couple came up to us and said, "You were great! Even though you obviously didn't know the song"... which would not have been SO bad if it weren't one of my FAVOURITE BLOODY SONGS EVER AND I KNOW EVERY FUCKING WORD.

Shit.

It got worse.

The bar closed. At 12 am....yes, the UK has 24 hour drinking now. But not in the mini time zone that is the Royal Bath hotel. We decided we had to leave and as we passed another busy bar in same hotel we thought Happy Days. We ordered 2 glasses of wine. We were given 2 glasses of wine. We were asked for our room number. We explained that we were from the WDS do in the suite next door and the bartender wouldn't let us have the drinks. We offered to pay, but it was jobsworth. I had a sudden frenzied thought that I could down both red wines and see what he would do...but I didn't. And the wanker took our drinks and threw them away.

Could it get any worse?

Oh but it could.

As were leaving the Royal Bath in Bournemouth (I am naming names because these gits are total wankers) I was stopped and asked to return the few rosebuds that I had picked up from the table. What exactly was the doorman going to do with these flowers? He was going to throw them away obviously. But I was not allowed to take them home and put them in a vase and enjoy them for a few days. How BLOODY PATHETIC is that?

Sorry. I just had to vent my anger. He made me feel like a petty thief. And because it was my beloved's WDS works do I could not say anything that would jeopardise his future. So I kept my peace and felt a fool.

Thank you very much The Royal Bath Hotel, Bournemouth.