Tonight we mostly watched..
Torchwood
The scripts are getting better. I'm not sure the characterisation is improving and I am still in mourning for the wonderful persona of Dr Who's Captain Jack - where did our frivolous, devil may care, swash buckling hero go?
Tonight's episode was still full of flaws. If a cybergirl was heading toward me with an intent to kill and I'm holding a gun and I can see the cybergirl has got a big fleshy belly and a pretty face with "target" written all over it, I might just aim for that. I know that one of the team eventually stuck a pointy sticky thing into said cybergirl and it survived, but a well aimed bullet might have sorted it out from the start.
And how the hell did it ever manage to transfer its brain from one body to another all by itself? I mean, HOW?
And why, oh why did the ubercybergirl have heels, and Madonna breasts, and a shapely arse? Would these have been useful in cyberland? Were they intending to make lots of little cyber babies? And if they did, would they need a can opener to deliver them?
And - oh, what's the use?
The Welsh tart's boyfriend is still alive - but his days must surely be numbered. Although, having said that, he does act as a nice foil to her relationship with Jack. And none of us want Jack to get off with her - we need him to remain aloof, alone and AVAILABLE.
Celebrity Scissorhands
So here we have yet another celebrity based reality tv show. This time it's a salon academy, with the many celebs (not) learning the necessary skills to groom somebody in time for Children In Need.
Ah. This could explain why I actually have heard of at least 4 of the celebrities - 2 of whom are one hit wonders (Fade to Grey and I'm too sexy for my blouse) and 2 actors who have faded to grey themselves.
The presenter is in desperate need of a square meal and appears to have stolen Pete Dougherty's 2005 wardrobe. Spooky. Actually, on second thoughts I can see a tiny Russell Bland trying to squeeze out of those skin tight jeans.
It is clearly based on the previous (and only slightly less awful) series, The Salon. Maybe it's just me, but I find it extraordinarily insulting to all beauticians/hairdressers - in that the premise of learning all the skills necessary to prepare the hair/makeup of guests of Children In Need in TWO WEEKS, suggests that it ain't that difficult to learn. I sincerely hope that someone in the business points this out. Nickie Clarke should tong the lot of them (hmmmmm...but only if I can watch).
One has to ask how far can these programmes go. If the professions are now at the mercy of celebrity, it's only a short walk to open heart surgery performed by Abi Titmouse or the constantly revolting John McCriririck taking cervical smears.
I did find it strangely fascinating to watch the poor Lisa left to the mercy of the trembling (q. for what reason? nervousness? lack of alcohol/drugs?) Steve Strangler. At what point would she tell him to piss off? How much does she understand of the set up? Has she heard of New Romanticism? The questions just pile up. And yet still he cuts. Her sweet face looks in the mirror in anguish. I can hardly bear to look.
All real characters mentioned are entirely fictional and a part of my sick imagination
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